Little did I know saying yes to a friend
would be so impactful.

I said yes to a silent prayer retreat but I had no idea what to expect. My friend said on the drive there, “ I think God is giddy for this time with us.” I was a little stunned.  I never thought of God longing or excited to have time with me.  I had been a Christian a long time but my prayer life was mainly me asking, asking and asking some more.  My prayer time was all about me and little about God at this point.

When we arrived, we checked into our rooms and my friend said we would be by ourselves to pray and gather only at meal times.  I thought, that is a lot of time to pray but that is why I am here. This was a season in my spiritual walk that felt dry and weary. I knew a lot about God but he felt distant. I needed a renewal but I did not know how or what to do. I thought maybe this retreat could help.  My friend slid a paper under my door.  It asked the question, “Can you have an intimate relationship with someone if only one person talked or only one person listened?”  I had never thought about that before relating to prayer. My prayer life consisted of me doing all the talking and never really contemplating listening for God to speak.  I thought does this really happen?  Does God speak to people today?  I knew he spoke to people in Bible times but does he speak in modern times?  What does this look like?

 St. Francis Retreat Center is a lovely place with many options to get alone with God so I took a walk by a creek to pray. I had recently been asked to speak at a lady’s retreat so my goal was to pray and ask God for what he wanted me to speak on.  What I received became a milestone in my spiritual walk with God.  I sat by that creek with my Bible and journal asking God, “What do you want me to speak on?”  Three hours passed and I felt like my prayers were bouncing off the leaves of the trees around me, back to the ground getting nowhere. I was feeling frustrated.  Then I remembered the question, “Can you have an intimate relationship with someone if only one person talked or only one person listened?”  But I thought how do I listen to God or just delight in God?  

I decided to try by asking God, “Help me listen to you, God.  Help me know you and feel known by you.”

I would love to say I heard an audible voice but it did not happen that way.  I will say, he answered that prayer.  I discovered that the best part of prayer is relationship.  Being in the presence of God in prayer with relationship being the focus opens the doorway to intimacy with HIM.  It is such a privilege to be able to delight in God and feel him delighting in you.  I can still ask. He welcomes that but I can also just listen, dwell, and be present with him. I continue to learn how vast prayer is!  I am learning that being intentional to explore more about prayer spurs growth, longing for more of God and the result is intimacy.   Growing in the practice of listening also helps me be sensitive to the Holy Spirit.  Connecting in prayer on that silent retreat revived my spiritual walk with God. It humbled me that I am really known by HIM personally.  I am no longer satisfied to know about God.   I want to continue to know HIM in a personal intimate way like a daughter sitting in her daddy’s lap with his arms around me.  This prayer retreat was a milestone in my relationship with God. I will be forever thankful I said yes!